The Black Parade
by Dave-The-Laugh's-NewHotness
Summary: A dark fic inspired by The Black Parade, by My Chemical Romance. Derek and Casey had a relationship in high school, but it ended badly. Warning: Not a happy fic, it features Character illness and death, angst, self harm. Better summary inside. Please R
1. College

Ok, this is something I've been working on for about two years, and I've only just got round to typing it up. Plot: Derek and Casey had a relationship in high school that ended when they went to college. Now, a year later, they're thrown together again. I took my inspiration from, among other things, The Black Parade, by My Chemical Romance. This is a seriously angsty fic, so be warned.

Disclaimer: I own neither LWD or anything by My Chemical Romance.

Please R&R, let me know any suggestions you may have, and enjoy.

* * *

Casey McDonald sat on the bed in her new room at college, holding a photo album in her hands. Her mother had just left, leaving her there. As she was going, she'd put the box on Casey's bed & told her not to open it until she was alone.

Well, she was alone now, which meant she was free to see what was in the album. The front was white, with "Casey McDonald" written in big, wobbly letters across the top. Clearly the work of Marti Venturi. Casey could imagine the young brunette sitting at the kitchen table, forehead furrowed and tongue sticking out in concentration. The image made Casey's heart ache – she was already missing her family – minus one – like crazy.

Flicking through the album, Casey saw that each member of her family had contributed to it. There were informal snapshots alongside various professional family portraits, all with comments beside them. Casey smiled as she looked at the family photo she'd used - and abused – for her sociology project, all cut up and stuck back together. Underneath the photo there was a caption in Lizzie's writing: "Don't worry, all the pieces are there. I checked."

Turning the page, she came across Derek's page. Casey's stomach started doing somersaults as she wondered what he'd have contributed. After all, how well the pair got along was NOT what they were famous for. Looking at what he'd written, however, she knew she needn't have worried. There were two photos, taken maybe 2 minutes apart. The day they'd both started work at Smelly Nellie's, George and Nora had insisted on photos. They'd been told to play nice and look like family, or else. They were both smiling, and Derek had an arm casually slung around her waist. The next snapshot made Casey laugh. Taken just after the first photo, Derek had gotten bored with 'playing nice'. In the picture, Casey had her mouth wide open as though she'd just heard something scandalous, and she was leaning on Derek, who was supporting her with an arm protectively round her waist. The expression on his face was one of perfect innocence. Next to the photos, Derek had simply written "No regrets".

Despite the ambiguous caption, the picture itself still lifted Casey's heart when she remembered what had caused her to look like that. Derek had dug her in the ribs, causing her to double over, almost falling into his arms, and he'd simultaneously whispered "You look so hot right now" in her ear, causing her to squeal and blush.

They'd been a fledgling couple by then, just trying to figure out if they could get along enough to date, because since they'd first met they both knew that's where things had been heading. They'd just tried to cover it up with fighting. They'd been so worried about the reactions from friends and family that they'd managed to keep it a secret for the last month – ever since the first time they confronted each other.

Their parents, however, hadn't been blind to the occasional lingering gaze into each other's eyes, the absence of new 'people' after Kendra and Max had left the scene, or the fact that although they did still fight, it wasn't with the same venom as before. One day, George had gone into Casey's room to talk to her.

* * *

"Hey Casey, any chance you could go with your mother on her business trip this weekend? I'd go, but I've got a big trial starting Monday and there's too much to do over the weekend, and it's really too far for her to go alone. Even if she was comfortable with it, I'm not keen on the idea of my wife going 200 miles away on her own for the weekend." What George was asking seemed innocuous, but he had an idea that Casey and Derek were planning to 'accidentally' meet up at the movies that weekend.

"I'm really sorry George, normally I would, but I'm going to the cinema with D-Emily this weekend" Casey stuttered, trying not to blush at her near miss.

George looked quizzically at Casey. "That's funny, I thought Emily was out of town this weekend?" he asked in an innocent tone.

"Oh, yeah she is. I meant to say Kendra."

"Really? I didn't think you two hung out all that much." George said, watching his stepdaughter squirm (like a worm), and wishing that she'd just say it already. "Of course, if you've got a date planned, that would be different"

Casey blushed furiously and just nodded.

"So, you have got a date this weekend?" George clarified.

Casey said nothing, just nodded, too embarrassed at lying to George to speak.

"Ok, that's no problem. I'll get Derek to go with Nora. Oh, but apparently he's got a date with a girl this weekend as well. It's strange, for almost the first time ever, he's not bragging to me about who she is. The only thing he did say was that she was too good for him and seriously hot. Funny, two teens both have a date this weekend, and neither will say anything about it." George was musing out loud, trying to get Casey to confess.

"You already know, don't you?" Casey asked wearily. George considered making her sweat a bit more, but decided she'd suffered enough. Casey sighed, picturing Derek's face when he heard that she couldn't even fool George.

"Both your mother and I know, and we have done since the first time we caught you smile a proper smile at him."

"But...you don't seem mad. We thought you'd go nuts" Casey said.

"Casey, you're a very attractive young woman, and Derek's a raging mass of hormones wrapped up in a seemingly irresistible package. We knew when we put you two under the same roof that this might happen. But it might be a good idea for you to let us explain it to the younger kids. They might find it weird or gross at first" George smiled at his step-daughter, who just blushed and impulsively hugged George. Overcome, George returned the hug, thinking how far they'd come since the awkward 'hugs' when the families had first merged.

"By the way, your mum's trying to get Derek to talk. Do you want to go and help her out?" George asked, thinking that he'd definitely got the easier teen to tackle.

"Sure thing. Oh, and George – thanks". Casey turned and smiled, before leaving the room.

After that, everything had been different. George and Nora had spoken to Lizzie, Edwin and Marti about their elder siblings' new relationship, and how it would affect the family. Much to George and Nora's surprise, they'd all taken it in their stride. Edwin and Lizzie had half guessed something was going on, and Marti was too young to understand why it might be weird. So Derek and Casey had gone public with their relationship. At first, their friends had been slightly grossed out, but after a few weeks, 99.9% of their peers accepted that the former 'step-sibs' were a couple. Although the two didn't spend all their time together at school, people knew that if they missed with Casey, they'd have an angry Derek after them, and if they messed with Derek, an indignant Casey would be on their case.

The only person who couldn't get used to their new relationship was Sam. He and Derek argued about it constantly – whether it was right or wrong, whether they were right for each other – and eventually Sam stopped hanging out at the Venturi-MacDonald house. They were still civil to each other at school and on the hockey rink, but they weren't best friends anymore. Derek's best friend was Casey, now.

Everything had been going fine, until the time had come for the two to apply to college. The closer they got to the deadline, the more they argued once again. They argued about where to attend, and what they should study. Derek wanted to do film studies, and Casey wanted to do pre-med. Of course, although neither admitted it, they both knew that their relationship would never work long distance, or survive the pressures of college.

Eventually, after weeks of fighting about anything and everything, weeks of making up and breaking up again, Casey suggested a compromise. Derek could attend the local college, and do film studies and she'd commute to the nearest college to run her course.

"Casey, it's not that I don't think this is a good idea. And trust me; I love the idea of us being near each other, maybe even staying in the same house. You know that I do NOT want us to break up, especially over something like this, when we've overcome so much else." Derek needed Casey to know how he felt, because sometimes, even now, his temper got the better of him. He crossed to his girlfriend and took her in his arms. She relaxed into his embrace, then pulled away slightly to look at him.

"You never finished that sentence...?" This was part of Casey's personality that Derek recognised in himself – or maybe he'd picked it up from Casey – her inability to let things go.

"It's not that I don't like the idea...I just..." Derek's voice trailed off.

"Just WHAT, Derek? I'm trying to think of a solution here, and all you're thinking about is all those college girls you won't be able to hit on" Casey snapped. She knew she was pushing him, but she couldn't help it.

"Look, babe, we've been exclusive for two and a half years. Do you not trust me by now? What more is it that you want?" Derek had lost his temper, and his naturally dark eyes grew even stormier.

"Proof that this meant something to you, not just to me." Casey said heatedly, knowing where this would end. After all, even despite all they'd shared, Derek could only be pushed so far. And he'd been pushed beyond his limit. He'd finally tired of this game, and could see only one end. He knew it fell on him to do the deed.

"Sorry SIS, no can do. I'm Derek Venturi, remember. I don't do commitment." Derek said viciously, before storming out of the kitchen, where they'd been fighting.

Back in her college dorm room, tears ran down Casey's face, as she remembered their last, bitter argument. A month had gone by since then, and things hadn't improved. By calling Casey "Sis", Derek had ended their relationship, referring to her once more as his annoying step-sister who bugged the hell out of him and wouldn't leave him alone. Even when they'd been battling for weeks on end, neither teen had called attention to their family ties – it was 'below the belt' - for both of them.

Derek had given Casey a cursory hug when she'd left, that morning, but it was nothing compared to the bone-crushing squeezes she used to get as his girlfriend. His eyes had been stormy as she said her goodbye...clearly he hadn't forgiven her for trying to force him into an emotional commitment.

**One year later**

As Casey settled into her dorm for the second year of college, she looked sadly at the pictures by her bed. One, of her and Derek, had been faded by the sun – truly a testament to how their relationship had broken down. During their freshman year, Casey had seen Derek only once, when she'd been leaving the family during winter break to go to Europe. He'd literally been arriving as she left, and though she gave him a shy smile, she may as well not have bothered. He'd completely blanked her.

With a start, Casey realised that she couldn't spend all her time dwelling on Derek Venturi, and decided to join her roommate at a welcome back party that evening. Just as she was about to leave, however, her mobile phone rang.


	2. The End

Thanks for the reviews, they inspire me to keep posting. For those reading my other fic, 'From the Ashes' I will update soon, but it's finding the time and inspiration at the moment, and as this is already written, it's easier just to post this. Please R&R again.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Oh and one more thing: Lyrics are in italics. Enjoy

* * *

"Mum? Is everything ok?" Casey asked; Nora sounded so serious, Casey started to worry.

"Casey, can you just hold on a second? I've got to conference this call" Nora said.

Casey sat on her bed, wondering what had happened that had made Nora make a conference call. Did she have something to tell multiple people, or did it take two people to break the news to her?

"Hello?" Suddenly, Casey felt sick.

"Hi, you guys, I'm really sorry about this, and doing it over..."

"De-REK!" What the hell are you doing in this...?"

"Hey, Case, long time no hear. How are things? Have you gone after Edwin yet, Sis?" Derek cut Casey off with his insults, which were cutting her to the quick – as he'd planned them to.

"QUIET!!" Nora yelled down the phone. "I've got some really bad news, and you two need to be told, so just stop bickering, please. It's Sam"

"What about him?" the duo asked in unison.

"You've got to come home – both of you. He's dying" Nora said.

_Now come one, come all to this tragic affair_

_Wipe off that make up, what sin is despair?_

Casey packed her bag hurriedly, barely giving a thought to what she was throwing inside, so desperate was she to get on the road back home. She'd already given a letter to the dean of students, letting him know the holiday. At the moment, she was just taking an indefinite break. She couldn't think about returning to college – London was the only place on her mind right now.

_I'd encourage your smiles, I expect you won't cry_

_Another contusion, my funeral jag_

_Here's my resignation: I'll serve it in drag_

Derek's thoughts turned, as they often did, to Casey, as he packed. In situations as highly charged, emotionally, as this, things were always better dealt with using Derek's own brand of humour, than by Casey's method of bawling like a little kid. He hoped she wouldn't be too emotional, or even emotional at all. Everyone knew that Derek Venturi did not 'do' tears. Could not do tears, in fact. Especially not from Marti, (Marti crying actually made Derek cry once) Lizzie, (Derek remembered seeing his younger step sister cry for the first time – he'd been so shocked that he'd hugged her, and then punched Edwin for making her cry) and especially Casey. She knew he didn't like tears and so always tried to hide it, but it had always broken his heart. And now, even though they were currently 'estranged' – how he hated that word, and all it entailed – he knew that the sight of his favourite MacDonald crying would still rent his heart in two.

For his parting shot to the college he'd attended for a year, Derek had pulled out the big guns for his final prank. He'd had to officially 'quit' in writing, so he'd delivered the letter to his advisor wearing his roommate's girlfriend's clothes. He'd have given almost anything to photograph the poor woman's face when she saw Derek Venturi in front of her wearing a short skirt with a slit and a low cut top.

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A bit shorter than the last chapter, but thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. If anyone has any requests or suggestions, I'm happy to hear them.


	3. Dead!

Thanks for the reviews, they make me smile. This is sort of the calm before the storm, as the next three chapters are quite fast and angst-y. First set of italics is Casey's diary, after that it's all lyrics. Please R&R, tell me any comments/criticisms and enjoy.

As always, I own nothing!

* * *

As the taxi pulled up outside the family home, Casey turned and looked at her mother for reassurance. She knew she was silly for feeling this nervous, but she just couldn't help it.

Having managed to get out of the taxi and up to the front door, Casey waited a second before putting her key in the lock. She knew, inside, that she had just as much right to be here as Derek, but she also knew that he wouldn't see it like that. He'd view her being there as an annoyance - at best.

_Walking through the door, I saw Lizzie and George sitting on the sofa, watching a TV show. Seeing me, however, whatever was on TV was instantly forgotten and they both jumped up and hugged me at the same time, muttering the usual platitudes people bring out on these sorts of occasions. The only thing going through my mind was where Derek was in all of this. After all, Marti would be playing upstairs, and Edwin was probably around somewhere, but Derek was always at the centre of the family, so it was just a shock not to see him. I soon got my answer, though. Maybe she'd sensed something, maybe she just knew instinctively how I'd be feeling, but after a minute or two of hugging – it WAS good to be back – Lizzie ended the embrace and looked me in the eye. "Derek's visiting Sam. He left you a note – it's in the kitchen."_

_In a dream, I walked into the kitchen. Lizzie had just bought me back down to earth – reminded me why I was there. Sam was dying. The note was on the island in the middle of the kitchen._

Casey,

I like this even less than you, but apparently we've got to be civil (George's words). I'm going to the hospital to see Sam this morning; I understand that you'll want to see him as well. If we happen to be there at the same time, then so be it. Don't get any ideas Sis, but let's try not to kill each other while this is going on.

Derek.

_Whatever the hell that means, I have no idea. I'm gonna go to the hospital now. As much as Derek might spout on about getting through this, I don't want the first time I see him again to be at Sam's sickbed. At least not before I know what's going on with Sam._

Casey tucked her diary back into the drawer where she had always kept it, and left for the hospital. If she was lucky, she'd miss Derek.

"Hey dude, what are you doing here?" Sam asked Derek. Derek had his mouth open to answer, but the shock of how his friend looked rendered him speechless. The blonde, thriving teen who'd been Derek's best friend and wing man had been replaced by a thin, pale shadow of his former self.

"Err...Nora called and told me you're..." Derek couldn't finish his sentence.

"Dying? Yeah, I've got leukemia. It was in remission for a while, but I relapsed about a month ago"

Why didn't you tell me what was going on?"

"Things were...I don't know...weird. It's hard to explain. I guess I just didn't want everyone feeling sorry for me."

Sensing his friend's discomfort and embarrassment, Derek changed the subject.

"Casey's home today, she'll probably be in to see you later." Derek couldn't help but sound angry when he talked about their shared ex.

"Wait, you guys both down at the same time? Something must be wrong" Sam joked. When he saw that Derek didn't appreciate the humour yet, he carried on talking.

"So, it's been about a year since you broke up. Anything new happening there?" Sam asked.

Derek scowled. "No! Nothing is happening....and it never will." Derek said, in a tone that made it clear the subject was closed.

_And if your heart stops beating_

_I'll be here wondering_

"So how long have you known?" Derek asked in a small voice. He half hoped that Sam didn't hear, but he knew this was a conversation they needed to have.

"What, that I've got leukemia, or that I'm worm food?" Sam asked wryly.

Derek visibly winced. "Dude, how can you be so...normal about it?"

"D, if I didn't laugh...I've known about the leukemia for 2 years. The rest of it is a bit of a recent development."

_Wouldn't it be great, it ain't exactly what we planned and wouldn't it be great if we were dead_

_Tongue tied and oh so squeamish_

"You knew you had cancer before I went to college?" Derek asked, having difficulty keeping his emotions in check.

"Do you remember our plans of world domination, winning the hockey championships, going pro" Sam asked. Derek nodded in reply.

"That's how I wanted you to think of me. As your best friend, who you made so many plans with."

"But why didn't you tell me? Or her?"

"We were barely talking, and it wasn't the sort of thing you put in a txt. 'Hi, how are you? By the way, in case you're interested, I've been told I've cancer. See you soon.' Not really my style, is it?" Sam said, yawning. Clearly his energy levels were dropping.

"Did you want me to go so you can get some rest? I'll be back tomorrow" Derek said.

"No, stay a while longer. Just...talk."

"So, what's this recent development you were talking about?"

"I had another scan last week. Apparently some of the treatment for the cancer weakened my immune system and put a strain on my heart. I can't fight it off anymore. I've got 2-4..."

"Years?" Derek interrupted, hoping that Sam would say years.

"Dude, do I look like I'm gonna live another 2-4 years?"

Derek looked at his friend, and then shook his head, almost painfully.

"Months?" He said, a trace of hope left in his voice. Sam crushed the hope by shaking his head.

"Not weeks? Please don't say you've only got a few weeks left." Derek's voice was thick with unshed tears, and as Sam nodded, they started to fall freely.

* * *

Thanks for reading, please review.


	4. Junk Food and an Argument

Next installment of The Black Parade, this is a filler chapter between 'Dead' and 'This is how I Disappear'. The structure for this story will roughly be 2 chapters based on a song, then one chapter not based around a song. All the bits in italics here are what Sam is saying in Casey's flashbacks. Please review, I love getting reviews for my writing. (ok, that sounded like begging, lol). Enjoy

I own nothing, as usual.

* * *

Casey slammed the front door behind her, turned and punched the wall. She'd just returned from the hospital, and needed to do something...anything...to ease the anger and pain she felt inside. As she walked past her (shocked) younger siblings, flashes of her visit with Sam ran through her mind.

"_I didn't know how...or what...to tell you"_

FLASH

"_I've got 2-4 weeks left"_

FLASH

"_You look even more beautiful than I remember"_

FLASH

"_I have missed you so much"_

"I take it you've seen Sam?" Nora asked, making Casey jump. She'd been so lost in thought that she hadn't registered that there was anyone else in the kitchen, or even that she was in there herself.

"Yeah, I just got back" Casey's voice was flat, and devoid of emotion.

"Well, we had dinner while you were out, but I can make you something if you want." Nora said gently, but Casey just shook her head.

"Thanks Mom, but I'll just chuck something together" Casey's voice was muffled, her head inside a cupboard.

When she'd found what she was searching for, she emerged, holding a packet of dark chocolate chips and a mixing bowl. Leaving them on the island, she crossed to the fridge and pulled out some chocolate milk and a jar of marshmallow fluff. Opening the freezer section, she found something to add to her sugar medley. Ben & Jerry's phish food.

Nora watched in amusement to see what her daughter planned to do with all the high sugar, high calorie junk food, only to realise that she wasn't finished.

Casey opened the cupboard where the cookies were kept. Taking out the remainder of a packet of double stuf chocolate oreos, Casey turned to her mother, silently asking why she was staring.

"Just wanted to see what you're making, sweetie. Continue" Nora said, her tone still gentle and soothing.

Casey crumbled the oreos into the bowl, and then added the chocolate chips. Next she started boiling the milk on the stove until it started bubbling over. Putting it onto a low heat, Casey put a tablespoonful of the fluff and ice cream into the bowl, and then added the milk to the bowl, stirring together until she had a sugary, sticky mess. Casey grabbed a spoon and a cold drink and ran upstairs to put herself into a diabetic coma.

Having finished her comfort food, and feeling utterly spun out on sugar and high on caffeine, Casey tried to relax and read a book but the racket coming from Derek's room disturbed her peace. Taking a deep breath to calm her racing heart, she tried to psyche herself up to confront him.

Pounding on his door, she screamed above the music. "DEREK!! Turn the music do..." Casey nearly fell into Derek's arms as he opened the door without warning.

"Why all the yelling, Case? Feeling guilty for not seeing Sam yet, because you're too busy stuffing your face with junk food and annoying the hell out of me?" Derek said in a quiet, you'd better leave me alone if you know what's good for you tone of voice.

Casey, trying not to ignite an instant argument, attempted to placate Derek. "Can't we just try and get along while we're here? You said in your..."

"I don't want to hear it. Leave me alone and stay out of my way. I wanted to make this easier, but you haven't even been to see Sam yet. I left early out of consideration for you, and you're so lazy you can't be bothered to go and see your dying ex-boyfriend. Oh, and don't even think of using Sam's illness..." Derek's voice cracked slightly as he thought about his best friend again, but he managed to continue his rant.

"...using Sam's illness to try and win me back. I won't fall for any of your 'Derek, I'm so sad and upset' tricks. Sam is dying and it's horrible and I don't need you around to make it worse" Tears sprang unbidden to Derek's eyes and he stared at the floor, embarrassed at this display of emotion on front of Casey. She didn't care though.

"How DARE you talk to me like that? Accusing me of all sorts isn't going to make your pain go away. Oh and FYI, I've already been to see Sam. Why else would I be stuffing myself full of enough sugar to put anyone into a diabetic coma? For once, can you please remember you are not the only person in pain here, and leave me alone, Derek?" Casey said in a cutting tone, ignoring the pained expression on Derek's face. It felt so good to have something to vent her pain on.

She turned to walk away, glad for once to have had the last word, but Derek grabbed her by the wrist and spun her back round to face him. His face was twisted with passionate anger, all directed at her.

"Do NOT walk away from me, we are not done here. I don't want to see you hanging around MY house, even being under the same roof as you is almost intolerable. We need an arrangement. I'll see Sam in the afternoons; you can spend as much time as you want with him before 2pm." Derek was furious, but managing to speak calmly. He stared at Casey – she was glowering with rage and struggling for him to release her wrist so she could walk away, but he maintained his iron grip on her, refusing to yield.

"This is MY house too, but it's not home when you're here. Mornings will be fine for me, Brother!" Casey spat.

Derek's eyes went even stormier, something Casey didn't know was possible, and he released so suddenly that she stumbled backwards, only stopping when the wall 'caught' her. Staring at her with true hatred in his eyes, Derek went back into his room, slamming the door so hard that the photos on the wall rattled and shook.

* * *

That's one of my less favourite chapters, if only because it's very...bitty. But we needed some Casey/Derek interaction, which is mainly what the chapter was for. Please review with any comments you have.


	5. This is How I Disappear

Ok thanks to everyone who reviewed. This chapter is a tad more angst filled, with cutting references, so consider yourself warned. I hope people are still enjoying this fic, because otherwise, what's the point? Please read and review, and as always, enjoy. Oh, and the first italics are Derek's thoughts, after that all the italics are song lyrics.

Disclaimers: I own nothing...really, nothing.

_

* * *

How dare she? What right does she have to talk to me like that? It's not her best friend lying in a hospital bed. She only knew Sam for about a year before we all stopped talking. She didn't know him like I do. I should have listened to him. Why didn't I listen to him? Soon I won't even have the option of listening to him...I can't believe he's dying._

Derek sat on his bed, staring into space, completely lost in his own thoughts. Tears raced down his face as he remembered all the things he and Sam had done, all the adventures they'd had. Then his thoughts turned to all the adventures they'd never get the chance to have, all the things that Derek would experience without Sam. Suddenly, Derek couldn't cope with all his thoughts and feelings. The most devastating thought was that he was healthy and Sam wasn't. He leapt off the bed and searched underneath for the box that he knew would still be there.

After rummaging through all the usual under the bed rubbish, Derek's hand found a medium box, which he pulled out carefully, and lifted the lid.

An array of knives, bandages, medical wipes and plasters looked up at him. Sighing heavily at his own pathetic weakness, the brunette pulled up the left sleeve of his jumper and counted the scars. Six in total, soon to be eight, they made a neat ladder up his arm.

_Drain all the blood and give the kids a show_

Derek selected the knife he always used – a sharp paring knife pilfered from the kitchen so long ago, his mom had still lived here, back when knives had only been used to re-create Indiana Jones or Crocodile Dundee. Derek still couldn't believe he'd started using the knives for this...therapy.

He put the blade to an unmarked spot on his forearm and prepared to drag it across his skin, already awaiting the calm that would follow, the white numbness that would block out all pain, and all thoughts of other people's pain.

"Derek, I'm sorry, I should never ha...what the HELL are you doing?" Casey had walked in without knocking – old habits die hard – and Derek felt his face flush red as he hastily pulled the sleeve down.

"Leave me alone, Casey" Derek said through gritted teeth. He did not want to get into an argument with her now.

Casey ignored him as usual, and knelt beside him on the floor. She tried to take the knife out of his hand, but he clung onto it like a drowning man clings to a lifebelt. Realising the stupidity of wrestling, with someone who hated her, for a knife, Casey released her hold.

"I said, leave me alone, to rot in peace. Stay the HELL out of my room in future" Derek hissed, only being quiet because he didn't want an audience.

_There are things that I have done you never should ever know_

"Have you done this before?" Casey asked in a calm voice. When Derek didn't answer, or even look at her, she gently reached for his sleeve and pulled it up. Derek scowled darkly at her, but made no move to stop her. Casey saw anger in his eyes, but also something similar to...fear?

"Six times?" Casey asked, keeping her voice low and calm. She didn't want to antagonise Derek. Her heart went out to him – he'd suffered in silence, and needlessly.

"Three times...two cuts a time" Derek said, sighing. He'd chosen the path of least resistance, and it almost felt like a relief, not having to hide this from her anymore.

"Why would you do something like that to yourself?" Casey asked, incredulous.

"It's all your fault actually. These marks may as well have your name carved along them. The first two, I did after I had to fire you – I hated myself that day. We'd only just started dating and I have to fire you...the look on your face nearly killed me. The second time was after the school musical, when I thought you might leave me for Noel, because he was so much better for you than I was, and you just seemed to light up around him. And the last two, I did right after I called you 'Sis' and broke up with you. I was so close to just turning my wrist over, and ending it. A life without you was a life not worth living, and I didn't want to have to go off to college without you. You don't know how close I came, that day." Derek's voice was low and emotionless, except when he spoke of losing Casey, then he became impassioned.

Casey was stunned into silence, and Derek was glad. He liked the shock on her face – clearly she'd thought she was the only one who had their heart broken in the kitchen.

"Awww...did I shock you, Case? Are you going to get out now, Case?" Derek cooed mockingly, putting his face in front of Casey's until they were mere inches apart.

_Who walks among the famous living dead_

_Drowns all the boys and girls inside your bed_

_And if you could talk to me, tell me is it so_

_That all the good girls go to heaven._

How can you be so selfish? You've just been to see Sam, who looks as though he's already 98% gone, who would love a healthy body, and you're carving your healthy body up. What's wrong with you?" Derek's eyes glittered and his mouth turned into the ghost of a smile at Casey's words.

"You're what's wrong with me. All the time, you're so good, and I'm just not. Well this is how I deal with things. You throw yourself into your studies, and I cut...or try to.

"Sometimes I just need something...anything...to take away the pain." Derek finished. He lifted his head to see Casey so close to him, he could smell her perfume. She wore the same one she had for the last 3 years – one he'd bought for her – and for a second it made his heart ache as the memories washed over him.

_I can't hurt you anymore_

_You want to see how far down I can sink? Let me go_

"What are we doing to each other?" Derek said, feeling emotionally spent.

"Don't apologise to me, just promise me that you'll never do this again." Casey said in a calm voice that was completely at odds with the turmoil she felt inside. She hoped Derek would listen to reason. If he didn't, she wasn't physically strong enough to stop him.

"I can't do that. I'm sorry I scared you, and sorry I upset you, but I don't make promises that I have no intention of keeping. Not anymore."

Derek turned away from Casey and put the knife to his skin. Preparing to make the cut, a rattling noise distracted him. Would he never get peace?

Casey had taken one of the other knives from the box and was holding it to her wrist. She looked determined, but also terrified, and she was shaking. Derek immediately lost his nerve. This wasn't part of the plan.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Casey"? Derek asked. He noticed that Casey was shaking so violently that the knife was now perilously close to an artery – trust her not to notice.

"Exactly the same as what you're doing. You cut, I cut" Casey said, her voice wavering slightly, but her eyes never leaving Derek's. He knew then that she'd won, this time at least. He dropped the knife he was holding and slowly moved his hand over hers, stopping the tremors, then he gently took the knife from her hand. Sneaking a peek at his face, Casey saw the fury etched on his face.

"Get out of my sight now before I do something I'll regret, you stupid girl. You could have seriously hurt yourself. In future, mind your own business."

Casey got up without a word and walked to the door, but stopped and turned, intent on giving him a piece of her mind before she walked out.

"Hey, I was only doing my best. Don't blame me if you're so screwed up from guilt at deserting your best friend in his hour of need."

Derek saw red. He leapt to his feet like a man possessed and pushed the door shut. Casey was reminded of the time Derek had chicken pox, and he'd kept her in his room until she agreed to his plan. Except this time he was 3 and a half years older, stronger and about 100 times angrier. Although she knew (or hoped) that Derek would never hurt her, she also knew that his anger was a formidable beast and that he could be a slave to it.

"Derek..." Casey tried to defend herself, but her voice trailed off.

"DON'T you 'Derek' me, Casey. You started this, you can hang around until it's finished." Derek was holding Casey by the forearms, and was staring into her bright eyes which were currently filled with fear. Seeing the spark in them which still remained, he couldn't help but remember his onetime feelings for her. Against all rational thinking, he dipped his head to kiss her, but the moment passed as quickly as it had come and in a fury Derek pushed Casey out of his way. The force sent Casey tumbling onto Derek's bed. She got her balance and sat there calmly, hoping he was done.

"When I come back, you better stay out of my sight" Derek snarled, and stalked out of his room. Casey shivered – she'd never seen Derek so angry.

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Ok, I hope you enjoyed that. Any criticism is welcome, and please tell me what you thought.


	6. The Sharpest Lives

Ok, please don't anyone pass out in shock because I've updated twice in three days (and another chapter added for my 'From the Ashes' story...something must be wrong lol). This is one of my favourite chapters, although I'm not sure why, which is why I wanted to post it quickly. Thank you for all the reviews, they made me smile. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and please review it, let me know what you think of it.

I own nothing, especially not Life with Derek or The Sharpest Lives, by My Chemical Romance

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_Well it rains and it pours when you're out on your own_

_If I crash on the couch can I sleep in my clothes?_

Derek looked up at the sky that was currently throwing down water. The rain soaking his clothes, hair and skin was doing nothing to sober him up, not that he thought he needed sobering up. He put his key in the lock, but was surprised to find that it didn't fit. He checked that he had the right key and attempted to re-insert it. It must have worked, because the door opened suddenly and he fell through it, landing at the feet of the one person he least wanted to see.

"Well, well, well, Derek Venturi cowering at my feet. Much as I like the power trip, I've got things to do. Get up, Derek" Casey said in a mocking voice, which quickly turned snappy when she realised that Derek wasn't just clumsy, he was drunk.

"I'm tired, Case. Can't I just sleep here? It's so comfortable" Derek slurred.

"Come on, we need to get you upstairs"

"Ok, but why? Can't I just sleep as I am? I'm sleepy, Casey. If I fall asleep for a hundred years, how will you wake me up?" Derek mumbled, leaning against the walls. Casey just rolled her eyes. Clearly Derek was so drunk he'd forgotten all about their earlier argument.

"No you can't sleep as you are; you'll feel like seven shades of hell in the morning. We're going upstairs to get you undressed and into bed" Casey said, before mentally kicking herself. They were NOT the best words to say to a drunken hormonal male, even one who did hate the sight of her. She moved towards the stairs, pushing Derek in front of her.

'_Cause I spent the night dancing, I'm drunk I suppose_

_If it looks like I'm laughing I'm really just asking to leave_

"Hey, sounds good. Remind me to come home tipsy more often. I didn't know you still felt that way about me, babe" Derek said, stumbling as he reached the top of the stairs.

"Tipsy? Try flat out drunk, Derek. And why the hell are you finding this so amusing?" Casey snapped.

Derek's smile slipped slightly as he looked into the eyes of the woman he spurned. They still held their magical sparkle, even though she was tired, emotional and angry.

"If I didn't laugh..." he murmured. Casey stared into his eyes, seeing the torrent of emotion hiding behind all the alcohol. The moment was broken when she noticed him swaying slightly, so she looped an arm round her waist to stop him falling down stairs.

"Come on. Your room, now" Casey said firmly. She was glad that George and Nora had gone to bed hours ago and wouldn't hear, and that the younger children were all next door for a sleepover.

_You're the one that I need; I'm the one that you loathe_

_You can watch me corrode like a beast in repose, 'cause I love all the poison_

_Away with the boys in the band._

"Casey, you saved me...I think I need you around to keep me from getting into trouble." Derek drawled, his arm round her neck.

"And I need you like I need a hole in the head. Now you go in there and when I come back in 5 minutes, you'd better be in bed or there will be trouble" Casey said, enjoying the power she had as she watched Derek slope off into his room, barely managing to get through the door without bumping into the doorframe.

When Casey went into Derek's room 5 minutes later, carrying water and aspirin, Derek was sitting up in bed, looking wild.

"So, do you want to tell me what happened, or are you going to just brush all this under the carpet?" Casey asked in a no-nonsense voice.

"I met up with Ralph, we went to his place. He's started collecting different vodkas, various flavours, you get the picture. He's got maybe 20 different ones, made from different ingredients, some filtered differently. I tried every one. They became fairly indistinguishable after the 9th" Derek said, sounding as though his hangover had come early. Casey was impressed that he managed to say 'indistinguishable' without stumbling over his words or slurring them. She realised that everything that had happened that evening would be forgotten as soon as he fell into a deep slumber, so she focused, not on yelling at him for being so stupid and irresponsible, but on helping him fall asleep. The sooner this day was over and forgotten about, the better.

_Give me a shot to remember, and you can take all the pain away from me_

_One kiss and I will surrender; the sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead_

"Well if you drank that much, then I suggest you drink this, take this and then go to sleep" Casey said, handing Derek the water and aspirin.

"Don't I get a goodnight kiss?" Derek asked in a pleading voice.

"No!"

"Please?"

"NO!"

"I'm not letting you leave without giving me a kiss goodnight"

_Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands_

_Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo_

Casey stared down at her ex, seeing the passion (and alcohol) swimming in his wild, dark eyes. She knew that it was only the drink talking, and that he didn't really want to kiss her, but she couldn't stop a little thrill going through her none the less. She knew that he was stubborn as hell and that even if he couldn't physically stop her leaving, he'd moan and whine until he fell asleep and she'd just feel guilty.

Leaning forward, she gave him a peck on the cheek. Derek had other ideas, however. Locking one hand behind Casey's neck, he pulled her forwards into a full-blown kiss. As their lips met, Casey could feel the stress seep out of her body. He'd always been an expert at relaxing her and calming her down. But that was then, this was now.

"Derek, enough" Casey said gently, pushing him away.

"What...where?" Derek was confused and sleepy.

"Just a bad dream. Go back to sleep, sweetie" Casey said soothingly as she carefully pushed Derek back into a horizontal position. She pulled the covers up to keep him warm and smoothed the hair on his forehead. She watched his eyes flutter shut, and then pressed one chaste kiss on his forehead. She left the room, hoping she'd sleep easy now that she knew he was safe and sound – albeit headed for the world's worst hangover in the morning.

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I hope you enjoyed that, and saw that the love-hate relationship they always shared is still there. Please review with any comments or criticisms.


	7. The Hangover to End All Hangovers

Ok this is really short and not very good...lol. It's just a way of moving from one part of the story to the next - think of this as the ''interlude'' if you will. Please read and review nonetheless

Disclaimers: I own nothing (trust me)

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Derek opened his eyes, then instantly shut them again when the sunlight spilling into his room seared a mark through his eyes and onto his brain. He tried to recall why he was feeling like this, but drew a blank. Instead, he gave in to the strong temptation to just go back to sleep. When he re-awakened what felt like hours later, but in reality was just a matter of minutes, he tried again to make some sense of what was going on. For instance, why was he at home in London, instead of in his bed at college? And just WHY did his head feel like a hundred tiny minors were digging for gold in his brain?

Several things came back to him as he lay there. Sam was dying, that was seared on his brain, it seemed, and it hurt like hell. Had he gotten drunk to try and forget that? No, there was something else he needed to remember. Ignoring the tears that sprung to his eyes, he forced himself to think logically. If Sam was dying, then whoever told him would have told Casey as well, so she'd be home. Casey...his memory was better when he thought of her.

He'd had an argument with Casey – well nothing new or helpful there, he was always arguing with Casey. He remembered yelling at her and insulting her, and he remembered her yelling at him and insulting him – but worse than normal. Well, while this meant that probably no one had had an easy life in the Venturi-McDonald household recently, there was still nothing new. He remembered lots of slamming doors, and then Casey crying. A familiar, sinking feeling came over him, and he groaned. He'd promised himself never again. He gingerly opened his eyes and rolled up his sleeve to see what the damage was, and was shocked when he saw only past scars, not fresh hurts.

Suddenly he remembered. The argument with Casey that had gotten out of control very quickly, the door opening as he was about to cut. The ferocious row that followed her discovery, which was then followed by them actually talking in a civilised manner to each other. Which didn't last long, as he remembered the chilling words that had led to one final battle that had almost ended up – Derek's cheeks coloured at this point, although he wasn't sure why – with them kissing. He felt himself pushing Casey away and could once more see the fear in her eyes, almost as if she were standing in front of him.

He remembered storming out and ending up at Ralph's, and that was where the memories ended again. He realised that he'd probably sampled some of Ralph's many vodkas, which would explain the colossal headache. The only things he could remember now were very strange dreams – at least he hoped they were dreams. Nearly falling down stairs and Casey stopping him was one dream, another was him begging Casey to kiss him goodnight, and Casey giving in to his request. Clearly vodka messed with his brain to make him dream things like that.

Suddenly Derek remembered one very important part of the argument with Casey – she'd visit in the mornings and he'd visit in the afternoons. Hoping that he hadn't overslept too much, he gingerly started the long and painful process of getting ready to go and visit Sam.

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Thank you for reading - the next chapter will be better, I promise


	8. Welcome to the Black Parade

Not sure what to write about this, except that after much tweaking I'm still not completely happy with it, probably because I prefer to write prose than dialogue and this is mainly dialogue, just because we needed to have a conversation between Sam and Derek.. It will get better from here on in, hopefully. Oh, and if Sam seems to be overly 'pro Derek and Casey' this update, all will be revealed next time in a flashback Casey has...hope that's intrigued all of you. I'm also going to do a series of one shots taken from different stages of this fic, eg Casey and Derek going 'public' at school with their relationship, their first date etc. There won't be much in the way of spoilers, it'll just be a way to fill in the background to The Black Parade without making it overly long. Please read them if you're interested. Nothing left for me to say other than read, enjoy and review...pretty please.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

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"Dude, this might sound strange coming from me at the moment, but man, you look like hell spat you out. What did you get up to last night? Casey didn't mention anything this morning" Sam had visibly paled at the sight of his friend looking like he'd been in a car accident.

"Hangover...argued with Casey...pain" Derek mumbled. He wished he could stop thinking about his dream kiss with Casey. It had occupied his thoughts more than he'd admit. The charming smell of hospitals and disinfectant had made him gag when he first arrived, he didn't need to rehash last night with Sam or he'd be sick again.

"Dude, thanks for coming, especially if you feel that rough. To tell the truth, I'm pretty exhausted myself. I think it's fairly impossible to get drunk on IV fluids but I feel like a car hit me, and then reversed to drive over me again. If you talk, I'll just drift in and out" Sam said.

Only at that point did Derek realise just how tired his friend looked. He should have been here this morning, when Sam was more awake, but Casey made that impossible. His anger towards her grew hot once more.

"What should I talk about?"

"It doesn't matter. Just hearing that you're here with me is enough" Sam said, already sounding drowsy.

Derek took a deep breath and opened his mouth. He hadn't been so scared at having to talk in years.

_When I was a young boy my father took me into the city to see a marching band_

_He said 'Son when you grow up, will you be a saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned? He said will you defeat them, your demons and all the non-believers, the plans that they had made?_

_Because one day, I'll leave you, a phantom, to lead you in the summer, to join the black parade_

"Do you remember the time Dad took us to see an ice hockey match when we were six? I knew then, that was the sport for me, that I didn't want to do anything else but play hockey. But I haven't played in a year, not since I went to college. At least back in high school, even if we weren't all that close, we were still one unit on the rink. I couldn't play in college, not without you as my wingman"

Sam chuckled at Derek talking about his first love – hockey. It was safe and it was familiar, even if he could see through the fact that Derek had something he was worrying about and didn't want to talk to Sam about – it probably involved Casey.

"You gotta carry on playing, D. For me – score e very goal for me, with my broken and dying body. I'll live vicariously through you – for now, anyway" Sam joked, hinting at his rapidly approaching death.

"What are you trying to do to me Sam? You haven't seen me cry in a long time, why do you want to make me cry now?" Derek said, in a voice that was only half joking.

"Don't cry for me Derek...not yet, anyway. Everyone who comes in has to fight back tears; I thought you'd be better at it."

Derek smiled, more for his friend's sake than out of any desire to smile.

_Sometimes I get the feeling, she's watching over me, and other times I feel like I could fall_

"I can't believe we let Casey come between us. She has a lot to answer for. I could have been here for you and with you this entire time" Derek tried not to remember the day Sam had found out that his ex was dating his best friend – a betrayal in itself, even without the complicated family issues that were involved, The look of shock and horror on Sam's face had stayed with Derek long after the relationship ended, and haunted him now. Had he known, somehow, that he was ill?

"She was good for you; I was the idiot for not being able to accept you. I was being selfish." Sam said in a nonchalant voice, but Derek didn't seem to hear him.

"I'll keep playing hockey, for you. I'll keep your memory alive. I'll...I'm talking like you're already gone. Just, please, tell me to shut up" Derek pleaded.

"Don't worry about it. Seriously, just hearing you talk is doing me wonders. Keep going – no subject untouched." Derek sensed what Sam was trying to say. He knew that Derek was trying to deal with something, and he wanted to know what. Well, he'd asked for it.

_A woman sends you reeling from decimated dreams_

_Your misery and hate will carry hate_

"Ok, so this is the thing about Casey. I thought we were together and that we were gonna make it. I never wanted to date again, and I had dreams...as in, Casey in a gorgeous white dress, and us standing up in front of friends and family and declaring love for each other...those dreams. I wanted to make her a Venturi. The only thing that I could never reconcile was that you wouldn't have been my best man, but i figured that we'd have worked things out by then.

"We fought because she wanted me to commit and thought I wouldn't, but she didn't know that I'd already committed, in my heart...I just couldn't say the words. I couldn't find a way to tell my own girlfriend how I felt about her. So I pushed her away. I saw my dreams evaporate before my eyes, and that nearly killed me."

"If you loved her, why did you let anything come between you? Man, if I loved Casey, and knew that she loved me, nothing would stop me from making her happy." Sam said matter of fact. Derek suspected that Sam had always felt more strongly for Casey than Casey had for Sam.

"I was young, and foolish. I got scared, I guess. My life was sort of falling into place, but it was also being decided for me, and you know I've always hated that. It was a life I'd have chosen, but I wanted the chance to choose it"

"D, you're holding out on me. No excuses, I want the real story" Sam said, almost sternly. It made Derek want to laugh.

"Ok, I was angry. She pushed me too far, and I wanted to push back. I was furious and angry, now I'm alone and lonely, with only a hundred regrets to keep me company. I miss her, but I don't know how to get her back." Derek was openly weeping again, his anguish evident for Sam to see.

"Finally, you're admitting it. Now please, fix it...so I can see the two of you happy again" Sam said.

"What if I get hurt again? Or worse, what if I hurt her again. I'd never forgive myself for breaking her heart a second time. "

"Now come on, that's not my plucky, confident, 'God's gift' best friend talking, is it?" Sam cajoled, smirking an unmistakable smirk. He'd learnt flattery and manipulation from the best, after all.

"You're right...she makes me more than I am, more than I could ever hope to be." Derek looked invigorated, and more alive than when he'd first arrived.

"Go and do it...soon." Sam urged his friend. Derek opened his mouth to talk, but before he could say anything, a nurse bustled in,

"Sorry to interrupt, but the doctor's here to see you, Sam. You can come back later or tomorrow" She said to Derek. She was kind, but firm. Derek got up to go.

"Derek...you better do it soon" Sam said before Derek left.


	9. I Don't Love You

Sorry it has taken me a while to update, I've got writer's block with this story, and for some reason that stops me typing the chapters I've already written. I hope to update with a little more frequency. I don't own anything, especially not Life with Derek, The Black Parade or songs on it, Mamma Mia or Love Story. Please read and review, you have no idea how much the reviews mean to me, so go on, click the little green button (great, now I'm shamelessly pleading.)

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Casey tried to lose herself in the film, but it wasn't working. She should have known that 'Mamma Mia' was the better choice, but she couldn't bring herself to watch it at the moment. Too happy, she'd thought, and opted for a classic. But her choice hadn't been the wisest one – a repeat of 'Love story' as it wasn't helping her mood at all. All she could see was Sam lying in place of Jennifer. Casey spent most of the film dwelling on her own morose thoughts and regrets. She couldn't believe that Sam had been diagnosed a whole year before she ad Derek had gone off to college. The fact that he'd gone through all that without talking to either of them about it left her feeling utterly wretched.

She'd gone to the hospital that morning, as per her agreement with Derek. Walking past his room that morning, she poked her head in to check up on him. Seeing him sprawled on the bed, mouth slightly open, looking so innocent, she'd been tempted to go in, smooth down the hair on his forehead and sit beside him for five minutes. She'd suppressed this urge, not wanting to deal with an angry, hung over Derek. Besides, she'd only disturb him from the sleep he badly needed.

When she arrived at Sam's room, he was sitting up and talking to one of the nurses.

"So Sam, flirting with the nurses? Can't you get kicked out for that?" she asked teasingly, watching the slight blush add some much needed colour to his sallow cheeks. Sam looked at the door to make sure the nurse was well out of earshot before replying.

"I'm sure they won't kick me out. After all, I'll be gone in a few weeks anyway. And yeah, I think she really likes me. Maybe I'll ask her out. Ok, so the date will have to be in the hospital, and I can only offer her IV fluids instead of coffee, but she'd get paid for it if we had the date during her work hours"

Casey burst out laughing, a sound so infectious that Sam couldn't stop giggling either. He'd forgotten how much he loved hearing her laugh; she'd forgotten how much she enjoyed his company. It felt like their friendship was really getting back on track.

"So speaking of flirting and dates, did you meet anyone in college?" Sam asked once they'd finally stopped laughing.

"Not really. There was one guy, Gabriel, but we were more friends than anything else" Casey said. She'd love for Sam to meet Gabriel – there were so many things about him that just couldn't be described.

"I'm surprised – I'd have thought that someone like you would have been snapped up by the best looking guy on campus, not that your most meaningful relationship at college would be being someone's friend"

_Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay_

_And maybe when you get back I'll be off to find another way_

_And after all this time that you still owe_

_You're still the good-for-nothing I don't know_

"That was one reason I didn't tell you about the leukaemia before you left. I knew, even after everything, that wild horses wouldn't have dragged you away, and I would never have held you back. I'll have to figure out another way of saying goodbye now – I already had the letter written and everything" Sam quipped.

Casey's eyes filled with tears – Sam truly cared more for her than he did for himself, and she'd let him down. She'd never forgive herself.

"Why did you stop speaking to me?" Casey whispered. That had hurt, although she understood a little why Sam had done it. She'd let him down enormously, and, in some ways, taken his best friend from him. But it still stung a little that two of her best friends had cut her off completely, due to who she chose to date.

"When you started dating Derek, I didn't know you anymore. You weren't the person I thought you were – a person who could fall for Derek's charms. And I was disappointed. Then I saw you two together, and I understood – you 'got' each other completely. He wasn't flirting all over school, and you were relaxing more. You were so good together and for each other. I was just insanely jealous that I wasn't the one for you."

_And when you go, would you even turn to say_

'_I don't love you, like I did, yesterday'_

"So...was it your feelings for me that stopped you going for that guy in college?" Sam asked, a small note of hope in his voice that went halfway to breaking Casey's heart.

"I...err...well, you see" Casey stammered. She didn't want to have this conversation with Sam.

"See, you're the only girl I've ever loved. No one after you Case. Oh, there might have been flirtations, the occasional date with girls I met while getting chemo, but I never loved any of them like I loved you." Sam smiled as he said this, a wistful smile that showed wisdom beyond his years.

"Sam, that's sweet. But we'd been broken up for three years before I met Gabriel. And...it wasn't you I couldn't get over. I couldn't get over Derek. I love – loved – him so much" Casey said, looking at her feet.

"I guessed as much. I think you should tell him"

"Why? He'll only throw it in my face, and I'll get hurt again. And besides, that's all in the past now"

Sam smiled and took Casey's hand. "If you love him, he must be worth it. If it was me..." Sam's voice trailed off, his eyes fluttered shut and his breathing became even. He was asleep. Casey smiled, smoothed the hair on his brow and kissed his cheek, before slipping quietly out of the room.

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So, in the last chapter (Welcome to the Black Parade) Sam was trying to matchmake Derek and Casey - now we see why. Please review


	10. Too Far

Ok, sorry for the ridiculous time it's taken me to update, I've had various things going on, but I will try not to leave it so long again. Warning: This chapter is a bit angsty. Please read and review.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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"Mom, they're at it again" Lizzie moaned to Nora while they were cooking dinner together.

"I know kiddo, and I know it upsets you, but can you just bear with it a bit more...please? They're both really stressed, and very upset as well. They're not arguing for any real reason, other than that this thing with Sam is getting to them. They're dealing with an awful thing, and so they've been taking it out on each other. Just, hang in there Lizard...for me?" Nora said calmly. She knew Lizzie hated hearing her siblings fighting, but there wasn't much any of them could do about it for the time being. Nora hoped that the pair would reach a ceasefire soon. At the moment, they were almost unbearable, because they were hurting so much.

The argument had started when Derek came home from the hospital, sat in his chair and grabbed the remote from Casey, changing the channel. When she yelled at him, he lost it and screamed at her to get out of his space. Casey screamed back that he was in her space because she'd been there first, and things had gone downhill from there. After 20 minutes of screaming, and yelling at each other, and hurling vicious insults back and forth, George had intervened to give the rest of that family some peace. Recognising that they had to fight each other, otherwise they'd kill each other; he dragged them both upstairs and shut them in Edwin's room, telling them not to come downstairs until they'd sorted things out. That had been 30 minutes ago and Lizzie could still hear their arguing, even though she was two stories below them, in the kitchen.

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"Derek, how dare you try to blame me? You chose to cut him loose, back when it seemed important. I never forced you to 'turn your back on your best friend', as you put it" Casey said heatedly.

By now the argument had progressed (or regressed) to re-hashing their failed relationship, and who was at fault.

"Well if you hadn't moved here, I'd never have fallen in _lust_ with you, Sam wouldn't have gotten weird and I'd have been there for him through it all, as I should have been" Derek snapped back in angry retort. He noticed how Casey's face flashed with pain, anger and humiliation at hearing their relationship described as based on lust and base desire, not true feelings. He noticed the hurts crossing her face, but he didn't feel guilt or shame. He felt glad to wound the person who had wounded him.

Casey grew angry at Derek's harsh words. "Well if your Mom hadn't cheated on your Dad, then he never would have married my Mom, we'd never have met and you wouldn't have RUINED my life" Casey screamed at a visibly furious Derek, then immediately regretted it.

"Derek...I didn't...I shouldn't have said..."Casey stammered, tumbling over her words as she tried to apologize. One look at Derek's face and she knew that she'd crossed the line and now it was no holds barred.

Derek's face, already streaked with anger, had now paled. His eyes were black and sparkling with fury, a muscle in his cheek twitched as he worked his jaw and his fists were clenched so tight, his knuckles were white. Casey started edging backwards, not wanting to be in reach when the storm of his anger broke.

For every step that Casey took back, Derek matched it with a forward step of his own. With every step that he took, Casey grew more and more afraid.

"Casey, I would never, EVER, throw your father's infidelity in your face. What gives you the right to throw my mother's in mine? You are so fortunate to be female, because if ANY of my guy friends, including Sam, had said that, I wouldn't have held my fists back." Derek stopped to draw breath. He was shaking with anger and it was taking all his strength to control the rage he currently felt at his ex. The two were now mere inches apart, and Casey, who had her back to the wall with no place to go, felt trapped. She doubted whether she could trust Derek's twisted assurance that he wouldn't hurt her.

"I told you that in confidence, because we were both having a bad day, and I needed to explain why I'd been putting you through hell for no reason. Edwin doesn't know about it and as for Marti...if they'd heard what you just said..." Derek's voice trailed off once again.

"Derek, I'm...I'm sorry" Casey said in a small voice. She tried to move sideways past him, but Derek had other ideas. He put his hands on the wall, one on either side of her, effectively penning her in. She tried to bodily move past him, but for once Derek used his superior height, weight and strength to stop Casey from moving. He wasn't letting her off easy.

Casey, by this point terrified, tried to duck under Derek's arms, but he was too quick for her and lowered them as she ducked. "I don't think you're going anywhere, Missy"

"Derek, let me pass". Casey tried to sound authoritative, but to no avail. The two were so wrapped up in their battle that they didn't hear the door opening, or Lizzie coming into the room.

"Hey, would you two just quit it already" Lizzie said, but neither Casey nor Derek acknowledged, or noticed the interruption.

"Derek, I shouldn't have said what I did. Please let me go" Casey resorted to pleading, though she knew it rarely worked with Derek. This time was no different; Derek remained standing there, glaring at Casey, trapped as she was between him and the wall, barely a few inches separating them.

"Derek, please move aside and let Casey pass" Lizzie said. Something in her tone seemed to touch Derek. Still simmering with rage, he looked Casey deep in the eyes, allowing her to see the full extent of his pain and rage, before dropping his arms to let Casey move away.

"For the last time, stay out of my way, you torturous whore" Derek spat. Before he could change his mind, Casey slid past him and ran, pushing past Lizzie in her quest to get out of the door. In her wake, Lizzie, shocked and horrified, was staring at a seething but guilty looking Derek. While she was watching him, he turned his back on her, let out a noise of pain and anguish, almost animal in its sound, punched the wall and then slowly sank to his knees, putting his head in his hands.

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Thanks for reading. I hope I managed to keep everyone in character, but I'm not sure. If anyone has any ideas for improvements, please tell me in review.


	11. House of Wolves

Isn't this amazing - two updates in a weekend. Something must be wrong :) After what Derek did to Casey last chapter, he's got some explaining to do now. Apologies if Derek seems OOC, I tried really hard to keep him in character for this chapter but it was hard. Please read and review, I thrive on reviews lol. As always, I own nothing.

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"Derek..." Lizzie started to say something, but Derek, now sitting on the floor with his arms wrapped round himself, looked up at her with such aguish and pain – deep, emotional pain, etched onto his face that she stopped.

_I know a thing about contrition because I got enough to spare_

_And I'll be granting your permission 'cos you haven't got a prayer_

"Liz, whatever you were going to say, don't. I know it already. I just called Casey a whore – a torturous whore – and I keep pushing her away, punishing her for the long term effects of our relationship. It's not all her fault; I'm to blame as well. So please, don't go pouring scorn on me, I'm already doing it to myself. And trust me, sis, I'm being harsher on myself than you would be"

"I never thought I'd see the day when you behaved like that to Casey. You loved her, once" Lizzie said, in a voice beginning to break with heart rending sobs that tugged at Derek's heart strings.

"Lizzie, I would never hurt Casey. But one thing you must understand, which you will do someday, is that when two people have a history together, and a volatile relationship, then things can be worse than what they appear."

_Let the spirit come on through you_

_You got innocence for days_

"Derek, I'm not going to take my relationship advice from you, not in a million years" Lizzie said sternly, in a tone that left Derek with absolutely no doubts as to how she felt about him at present.

"Kiddo, you might be naive now, and think that you'll have the world's most perfect relationship, but you won't. No relationships are perfect. One day, you'll lose that naiveté that makes you so special, but don't rush it. Of course, whoever does make you less naive will have me to answer to. And if he treats you like I treated Casey, he'll be in a whole mess of trouble, I assure you." Derek said darkly, and almost introspectively.

"Like I'm gonna tell you when I get a boyfriend" Lizzie scoffed.

_Tell me I'm an angel, take this to my grave_

_Tell me I'm a bad man, kick me like a stray_

"You don't trust me anymore, do you?" Derek asked.

"Would you trust me if I did to Edwin what you've just done to Casey?"

"You used to trust me, even though I broke Casey's heart."

"I used to trust you when I didn't know any better"

Derek crumbled at Lizzie's harsh words, but she didn't seem to notice that her step brother was crumpled in a heap, leaning against a wall with his knees drawn up to his chest, and continued speaking.

"I have seen you select the very words that you know will make Casey's heart break. I have seen you stand by as she cried pitifully, and instead of comforting her, you just laughed. If I was Casey, I'd have dealt with you the first time you behaved like that. She let you get away with far too much for far too long" Lizzie spat, and turned on her heel to walk out of the room.

"Lizzie, please, don't hate me" Derek whispered. He looked so pathetic and broken that Lizzie, despite what she'd said, couldn't bring herself to leave.

"Go and apologize to Casey...NOW!" she hissed.

Derek knocked on Casey's door, hating himself, hating Casey, even hating Sam. This whole mess was so twisted and tangled that he could see no way out, until the inevitable happened, and Sam died.

"Casey, even if you don't open this door, I'm coming in" he called through the door, trying not to sound aggressive.

"Derek, if you come in we'll only end up fighting again. Please just leave me alone"

Derek ignored Casey's words and pushed the door open. She was lying on the bed, curled into a foetal position.

_Well I think I'm gonna burn in hell_

_Everybody burn the house right down_

"Look, I know we've got a past, and that it's really hard, for both of us, to ignore that. But Sam's dying, Case. And instead of spending all our time with Sam while he's got time left, we're spending it fighting with each other."

Casey just sniffled as Derek tried to make peace. She wasn't ready for any of his smooth words. Derek knew he had to speak honestly, in order to get through to Casey and make things right.

"Did I hurt you, or scare you, sweetie?" Derek asked, using the endearment he hadn't used since their break up.

"I was scared, yes. I thought you were going to hit me, no matter what you said about not hitting a woman." Casey said, her voice quiet.

"I came close, it's true. But you're still Casey; I wouldn't hurt you. Please forgive me for scaring you." Derek was almost pleading with the prostrate figure on the bed, but she was giving no indication that she'd even heard him.

"Well, if you won't accept my apology, then what's the point in all this? Forget I said anything" Derek, frustrated by Casey's silence, lost his patience.

_You better run like the devil 'cos they're never gonna leave you alone_

_You better hide up in the alley 'cos they're never gonna find you a home_

_And as the blood runs down the walls_

_You see me creeping up these halls._

"I wish you'd just leave and go back to college, and leave the rest of us in peace. Go back to grubbing for grades, like you do best." Casey was still not moving or making a sound, so Derek was now saying anything in order to provoke a reaction from her.

"And when you finally leave, make sure it's for good." Derek snapped at Casey, as he stormed out of her room in a fury.

"_That_ is your version of an apology? Clearly you haven't done this before" a stern Lizzie said to her glowering step brother. She was standing just outside Casey's room and had clearly heard everything.

_Tell your sister I'm another_

"Liz, you know I'm no good at this. Yo go and tell her I'm sorry – you heard how my last attempt went. Besides, I don't see her apologizing to me"

"Derek, this may be tough for you to understand, but you should be the bigger person here. Go and apologize to the girl you once loved. It's the least you can do, especially considering how you treated her earlier." Lizzie stared Derek down until he sighed and went back into Casey's room.

Casey was still where Derek had left her, but he could hear the muffled sounds of her crying.

"Please don't make me feel any worse, Casey"

Casey lifted her head from the pillow and saw Derek staring intently at her, with sorrow in his eyes.

"Fine, Derek, you're forgiven. Whatever, I can't be bothered anymore" she replied, sounding weary.

"I don't just want a temporary ceasefire. I want to be able to co-exist with you, in this house...again...like just before...do you remember when we were friends? I'd like to get back to that if we can" Derek's voice was raw with honesty. Hearing the honesty in his voice, Casey locked her gaze onto Derek's, and nodded. A truce was called.

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Despite being one of my favourite songs on the album, this was one of the harder chapters to write, possibly because it needs Derek to do two or three mood changes in not much time. I hope I managed to pull it off though. Now all you need to do is review ;)


	12. InterludeSoldier of Fortune

Sorry it's been a while, work etc has kept me from my stories. Hopefully it won't be long before I update both this and From the Ashes again. Please read and review.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Soldier of Fortune belongs to Deep Purple.

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Two hours after they had called a tentative truce, Casey was lying on her bed, listening to music and wallowing in all her misery. She hated the thought that Sam – her first proper boyfriend and once one of her closest friends – would be dead within a month. He would never graduate from college, or get married. He'd never hold his new born baby in his arms and vow to do all in his power to protect the child from harm.

Casey hated the thought that she and Derek had called a truce on their fighting. Their fighting was the only thing keeping her sane at the moment, strange as that may seem. She was thriving on their fights, as they gave her the means to carry on, and they gave her hope. Because though she hated Derek with almost every fibre of her being, she also loved him deeply with EVERY fibre of her being. The fact that Derek no longer thrived on their anger and passion fuelled battles made her realise that they truly were over.

Suddenly, Casey became sick of the cheesy pop mix that she'd been listening to, and grabbed a random CD from her rack. It was only when she put it on and looked at the jewel case that she realised that this wasn't one of her Cds – at least, not one she'd bought or made. The case simply said 'For Casey' and a date – 24/04/2007. The day after she and Derek had broken up. Derek must have been making the CD for her when they broke up.

The opening chords of the first song sounded haunting. Casey decided to give in completely to melancholy and just listen to the whole CD.

_When I take your hand and sing you a song, and maybe you will stay_

_Guess I'll always be a soldier of fortune_

_But I feel I'm growing older_

_Though blindness is confusing_

_It shows that you're not here_

_Guess I'll always be a soldier of fortune_

Casey, listening to the lyrics that sounded so haunting and anguished, was unable to hold back the tide of emotion as the realisation of Sam's illness, and everything else, overcame her, and she lost control of her emotions. Tears ran unchecked down her cheeks, and she curled back up into a foetal position. Soon, her entire body was shaking with anguish filled sobs, that, unbeknown to her, were disturbing other members of her family. Through the wall, in the room next to Casey's, Derek heard her and tried desperately to control the break of his own heart.

Casey continued shaking with sobs until finally they stopped coming. She lay curled up on her bed, entirely in her own world, until she heard the door open.

"Shh, Case, don't cry so." Derek sat next to Casey and stroked her hair, just as he would for Marti after a nightmare. Casey arched away from his touch, but Derek, in one swift moment, lay down on the bed next to her, and fitted her body to his, her back against his front. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and whispered calming platitudes in her ear, until he felt the tension, fear, and pain seep out of her body, and she started to relax. The moment wasn't about Sam, or their family, or their relationship. It was just about two people who completely understood each other, and knew what the other needed, right then. Casey, in Derek's arms, hadn't felt so safe in a long time, and wished she could tell him how much his arms felt like home. Derek felt as though he was finally, for the first time in years, in the right place at the right time.

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I hope you enjoyed that chapter...I originally wrote it to go somewhere between This is How I Disappear and I Don't Love You, but decided it fitted in best here. Please let me know what you think, and reviews are always welcome.


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